


A My Chemical Romance Christmas

by Wolfy_P_Smith



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Awful Caroling, Christmas, Christmas Feels, Established Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Fingerless Gloves, M/M, Mikey Can Sometimes be a Douche, One Shot, Presents, Santa Claus - Freeform, Snow, Tour Bus, [insert more tags here], bad gifts, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:03:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfy_P_Smith/pseuds/Wolfy_P_Smith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas for the band on the tour bus, but not everything goes as planned.  Gerard's preordered gifts are out of stock at the store,  Frank gets everyone things that he wanted, and Mikey really doesn't give a shit about the art of giving.  Ray is the only one with sincere gifts which in turn is a little awkward.  Will this Christmas be a total catastrophe, or will the boys band together and have a jolly time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A My Chemical Romance Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> ***Update: Translated in Russian on some website if you're of the Russian speaking kind. Yup. [Here's the link!](http://ficbook.net/readfic/2820229) Rad.

It wasn’t until the day before Christmas Eve that Gerard realized he was totally screwed.

“What the hell do you mean, you don’t have my order ready?” he spat at a local shop employee that night. “I placed it days ago!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but we’re very much out of stock right now,” responded the man, whose face was beat red out of utter fear of the screaming, enraged customer. “This time of year, we always are.”

“Well I ordered all of my gifts from you guys… What am I supposed to do?”

“We’re very sorry, but we should have it ready by the twenty-sixth,” the employee stated, beginning to inch his hand toward the company phone. To call security, Gerard presumed.

“Well, what good will that do me?” Gerard mused. “You know what? Fuck you, fuck all of you. I’m out.” He strode indignantly towards the exit with his left middle finger high in the air, shaking his head of black, greasy hair the whole way. _Leave it to Gerard Way to fuck up everyone’s Christmas gifts_ , he thought pitifully. He hadn’t meant to go off on the employee, for he knew it wasn’t his fault, but he was stressed from the band’s tour and had had a couple too many beers for the night. It all added up and caused his blood to boil and his mouth to bellow nasty words at any one who dared to even pass him a second glance.

No one paid him any mind as he coarsely thrust the tour bus door open and threw himself in bed. He didn’t even bother to change into his favorite skeleton-pajama-onesie; instead, he fell asleep in his crusty, alcohol stained jeans and black jacket, really not giving a shit about personal hygiene.

His last thought before drifting off into dreamland was that his best friends were going to hate him for being so damn unprepared.

He awoke the next morning to a very loud, very _annoying_ voice attempting to sing _Deck the Halls_.

“Deck the halls with boughs of holly!” the voice sang (or rather _screamed_ ). “Fa la la la la la la la la… Er, tis the season to be jolly. Fa la la la la la la la la. Something something something GAY apparel!” The caroler pounced on top of Gerard. “FA LA LA LA—"

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!” Gerard roared despite his drowsy hangover.

“Somebody’s in a pissy mood,” the voice said. Gerard was conscious enough now to conclude it was none other than Frank Iero. “Lighten up- it’s Christmas Eve!”

Gerard flushed, once again acting out for no reason. It wasn’t Frank’s fault Gerard was an idiot who didn’t plan accordingly. He was right: Gerard did need to lighten up. He could just give everyone an IOU card or something lamesauce like that. They’d understand. They always did.

Yeah… it wasn’t exactly the first time Christmas hadn’t worked out for Gerard. Last year, he had gotten a revolting case of the stomach flu. His gift to the band? Not puking right on their pretty little faces. Four years ago, he straight out _forgot_ about getting presents all together. Shit. He used the IOU card idea then, too, didn’t he? He’d have to rethink that one.

But for now, he was too hung-over and homesick to come up with a proper excuse. 

He desperately wished they hadn’t been on tour and stuck on a bus during the holidays, but they really had no choice- they were supposed to be home a month ago but somehow that wasn’t happening. Though he loved his job, he wished that he could just take a little, teensy, tiny break sometimes. One where he could soak in a bubble bath to rid of some of the endless layers of grime and sweat caking the entirety of his body. At least he was with his brother, his best friend, and his boyfriend.

Speaking of which… “Gee, babe…” whispered Frank into his ear. “Do you want me to sing you some more Christmas songs?”

“Please don’t, Frankie…”

Frank sighed rather emphatically. He kept doing so, most likely hoping for Gerard to cave in, but he was too grumpy for that. “Fine,” Frank finally said, climbing off of him, purposely using his face as a foothold.

“Oh my God, Frank!” Gerard screeched. “Honestly, when’s the last time you _bathed_?”

Frank blushed as he straightened himself out on the ground. “Uh… two days ago? No, it would’ve been longer than that…” He must’ve noticed Gerard’s disgusted look on his face, for he immediately defended himself, saying, “What? We’ve been busy, and I’ve been lazy, and you’re the one who smells like a fucking liquor bar.”

Gerard smiled gently at Frank. “Relax, Frankie, I was just messing with you. Though we all probably could use a shower.”

Just then, Ray burst into the room, dressed still in his pajamas. “Morning,” he greeted, beaming at Gerard. He took off his sleeping T-shirt and began going through a suitcase. “Well, more like, early-afternoon, but…”

“Shit,” Gerard cursed. “What time is it?”

“Two-thirty.”

Gerard didn’t really like sleeping in, but he’d take the extra z’s when they came. Besides, it’s not like they had any plans other than to hang out: they couldn’t leave the fucking tour bus out of fear of fans or paparazzi. He was lucky last night he went unrecognized.

“Where’s Mikey?” he queried. He hadn’t seen him since yesterday morning. It suddenly hit him that he should be worried for his missing little brother.

“Guess.”

Which instantly killed any concern that was beginning to build up. “Let’s see… he’s either on his phone, taking a shit, or on his phone while taking a shit.”

“Ding ding ding!” chimed Ray. “Do you even need to ask?”

“I guess I do. You know, to make sure he isn’t lying in an alleyway, leaking blood and dead and all that. He _is_ my baby brother, after all.”

“Who wants eggnog?” Frank asked gleefully out of nowhere.

“I do!” Ray squealed while pulling on a pair of leather pants.

“Gee?”

“Uck, no thanks. Eggnog is disgusting.”

Both Frank and Ray stared at him in sheer disbelief. “No… fucking… way, Way. My own _boyfriend_ is an eggnog hater,” mumbled a disapproving Frank. “It’s pure sugar and pure Christmas and pure happiness!”

“No, it’s pure disgustingness. I’ll just make myself some coffee.”

The rest of the morning- no, early afternoon- was uneventful. Gerard and Frank indecently had an intense make-out session on the couch in front of an uncomfortable Ray Toro who only wanted to watch reruns of _Criminal Minds_. Honestly, they could at least have enough decorum to get a room. Of course, the only thing Ray could do was get a room himself, causing him to miss out on checking out Spencer Reid’s hot ass. Not that he swung that way; Reid just had a hot ass. Ain’t no shame in admiring that.

Ray was too thrilled about Christmas to be bummed, though. He had picked out all of the perfect gifts for his bandmates: Gerard, a new set of fancy art tools and a comic book series he’d been wanting; Frank, a set of guitar strings since he’d snapped two at their last concert, plus a pair of fingerless gloves since he had a damn fetish over them; and Mikey, well… Mikey’s was less-so-perfect since the boy wouldn’t give even the slightest hint at what he wanted. Ray knew he was just shy and getting over a rough breakup, but come on… it’s Christmas! He settled for getting him a hip new pair of glasses and the next book to a series he’d been reading over the past couple of weeks. He knew the gifts weren’t much, but that they’d all be really grateful and happy, which is really all he wished for this Christmas.  
  
Ray was about to get out his headphones and crank some music when Frank made his way into the room. The space was cramped due to it merely being a bus loaded with four messy boys, but he made room nonetheless.  
  
“Sorry about getting so heated in front of you and making you miss the show, Ray,” Frank sincerely apologized.  
  
“No worries, man,” Ray said knowingly. He’d been down that route before. Too much PDA and all that. It was just weird since the two men were practically his brothers, which would make them practically brothers, which would mean the regularly practiced incest. He shuddered at the very thought.  
  
“Whatcha wanna do the rest of the day?” questioned Frank.  
  
“Can we watch movies or something?”  
  
“Hell yeah! Let’s watch _It’s A Wonderful Life_. Or maybe _The Polar Express_. Damn, there’s too many good ones.”  
  
“Why can’t we watch both?”  
  
Frank smirked. “You little genius, you. It’s settled, then. Shit. I am about to piss my pants. MIKEY!”  
  
Frank was sick and tired of always having to wait on Mikey. Sure, the kid just broke up with his girlfriend, but his constant moping and self-thrown pity party had to stop. Plus, he desperately needed to see a gastroenterologist, for no normal person spent half their day inside a bathroom.  
  
“MIKEY!” he screamed again, knocking on the small bathroom door. “You’ve been in there for three fucking hours now! Out, now.”  
  
“I’m taking a shit; leave me alone!” was the only reply he got.  
  
Groaning, Frank made his way to the backroom to wrap his presents for his bandmates. Maybe that’d take his mind off his full bladder and wholesome irritation at the younger Way brother.  
  
He was tempted to keep the gifts to himself and just get everyone a case of beer or candles or something. He absolutely _adored_ his presents: fingerless gloves for the whole crew. Sure, they all had an abundance of pairs, but there was never such thing as too many. His favorites were the ones he was giving to that brat, Mikey, which infuriated him. They matched his eyes perfectly, so he really had no choice.  
  
It’s not that he despised Mikey; he’d go so far as to say he loved him dearly. It’s just that all the recent moping and the antisocial attitude had gotten on Frank’s nerves lately. Especially since it was going to be the death of Frank’s bladder.  
  
“Sorry you had to go out this way, bladder,” Frank murmured.  
  
“Who ya talking to?” said Gerard as he walked in with a big smile on his face.  
  
“Ah!” he screamed. “Get out! Out, out, out!” He shoved his boyfriend as hard as he could out of the room, sliding the door shut and locking it.  
  
“What was that for?” interrogated Gerard suspisciously, his voice muffled by the closed door in between them.  
  
“N-nothing, Gee, babe.” He frantically hoped he hadn’t seen any of the gloves, or else the surprise would be ruined. “Just, uh, putting on some guyliner. Wouldn’t want to ruin the sexy, sensational surprise for ya.”  
  
“Yeah, because I’ve never seen you in guyliner before.”  
  
“This time it’s special!” assured Frank. He didn’t get a response, making him deduce that Gerard had gotten bored with the conversation and left the area. “Alright,” he muttered. “Time to wrap you babies up…”  
  
After wrapping the third and final pair, addressed to Ray, he came to the conclusion that he was the world’s worst gift wrapper. It looked like he had shoved something lumpy into crumpled paper and taped it up, sticking a bow on the top. “Shit. That’s exactly what I just did.”  
  
But he possessed neither the time nor wrapping paper to reassemble it, for he heard the toilet _finally_ flush. Suddenly really sure he was going to wet his pants, he raced to the bathroom before someone else decided to. He ignored the pungent smell and Mikey’s confused glance as he slid the door shut and sighed in relief.  
  
“Did he really have to go that bad?” Mikey asked Ray quietly, who had almost made it to the bathroom before Frank.  
  
“We all do, Mikey. You’ve been in there all damn day.”  
  
“Sorry,” he murmured as he walked into the bus dining room to sit on Gerard’s lap.  
  
“Hey, little guy,” Gerard said, wrapping his arms around his brother and resting his chin on his shoulder. Mikey leaned back comfortably and closed his eyes. “What’s wrong?”  
  
Mikey groaned, deciding to finally let off some steam. “I already bought her a Christmas gift. Was gonna mail it and everything. This is the worst time of the year to break things off.”  
  
Gerard hummed sympathetically, and purred, “Aw, Mikey, honey, don’t think about her. Fuck her and her petty thinking. You deserve better than the whore, anyway.”  
  
“I know she cheated on me, too. With some other band guy. Said it was my fault for always being away so much.”  
  
“What a little shit. Besides, doesn’t she realize he’s going to be away a lot, too?”  
  
“Gerard, he’s in a garage screamo band. He’s not going anywhere.”  
  
It killed Mikey that the girl he told he loved was with another man, but he knew it was time to move on. He’d been so distracted by all of his drama that he hadn’t even thought to buy anyone anything for Christmas. He sort of felt bad about it, but not really. Frank had been a bitch all week to him, so he deserved it. Even the usually sweet Ray had gotten a little snappy at him from time to time. Gerard was the only one that understood. Must be a brotherly bond or something.  
  
“True. But that was pretty much us at the beginning, too. Don’t think you’re any better than him just because you’re successful.”  
  
“You’re supposed to be comforting me, Gee,” whined Mikey. Honestly, that’s all he wanted right now. Comfort. Gerard had suggested eating some carb-filled foods to make him feel better, but the thought only made him want to vomit. Instead, he sought security in the form of words.  
  
“Sorry,” Gerard murmured. “He’s a loser dick that’s going to forever live in his parents’ basement and live off Redbull and cheese puffs. The only girls he’ll ever get will be horny bitches that are impatient rude ass sluts.”  
  
“Better,” Mikey sighed. “I’m going to go take a nap.” With that, he was off his brother’s lap and instead heading to the couch where Frank now sat. He draped himself tiredly over the other man’s legs and drifted off to sleep.  
  
Gerard grinned at the sight of his brother cuddling with Frank. They hadn’t been getting along lately, which was awful for the entire band. Frank must’ve noticed his gaping, for he said, “Isn’t he adorable in his sleep?”  
  
Gerard was going to reply that he was, indeed, as cute as a kitten, but he suddenly noticed something odd about Frank. “You’re not wearing special guyliner.”  
  
“Shit- uh… I had to take it off because it looked so horrid.”  
  
“You’re lying to me.”  
  
“Whatcha gonna do about it, pretty boy?” teased Frank.  
  
“I am gonna kiss that sneer off your uglyass face.”  
  
“Fair enough.”  
  
They kissed awkwardly over Mikey until he grumbled for them to “stop having sex right on top of him.” That broke them up promptly, and Frank decided to bake cookies for Santa.  
  
“Frankie, hun,” Gerard spoke as if he was talking to a child, “Santa Claus isn’t real.”  
  
“B-but Mommy said!” Frank moaned, seemingly devastated. “Mommy said if you believe in him, he’s real! Fine. I’ll just say the cookies are from Ray, Mikey, and me. You won’t get any gifts, only coal.”  
  
Laughing, Gerard slapped Frank’s ass and left him to do his thing.  
  
While Frank baked Christmas cookies, Ray gazed out tinted black windows, watching the blue skies cloud up. He had his fingers crossed; he was eager for a white Christmas. Nothing was better than waking up to a winter wonderland on Christmas morning. Maybe they’d even get to go outside and play in the snow (there was never an age too old to play in the snow, in his opinion).  
  
Mikey was still napping, trying to get the sickening image of Gerard and Frank out of his head. He supported his older brother’s relationship, he just wished they’d be a little more discreet and professional about it. Especially since it often resulted in them ripping off each other’s clothes in front of him and Ray.  
  
Come seven o’clock, the band decided it was time to watch their movies, snuggled up on the couch together. Ray had just taken a bag of buttery popcorn out of the microwave and was passing the salty delight around. Mikey had made everyone hot chocolate, save for Gerard who just settled for more coffee. Frank set some left over Christmas cookies out on the coffee table, which had everyone laughing because _those look nothing like gingerbread people and reindeers_ and _at least I tried to have some Christmas spirit_.  
  
By the end of their third movie, _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ , all were passed out except Mikey who was still energized from his earlier nap. “Suck on that, bitches,” he mumbled. “Last one standing.”  
  
He decided it’d be best for them to all sleep in bed to save themselves from a later neck and back ache, so he coarsely shook them all out of their slumber. No one opened their eyes, though, so he decided it was pouncing time. He readied himself atop the wobbling coffee table and wound up for the strike. Deciding the best point to attack would be on Gerard who was in the middle, he focused all of his energy on him. “In three… two… one…”  
  
He thrust all of his entity straight into Gerard’s gut, causing him to flail out and hit Ray and Frank, too. They all shrieked like the three pansies they were, giving Mikey the best hearty laugh he’d had in weeks. Gerard threw a punch at his stomach which pulsated throughout his entire physique, but he hardly cared. Frank, taking the least amount of damage, laughed right along with him. Ray just sat there, all astounded and dazed.  
  
“Time for bed, bitches,” Mikey guffawed, “unless you don’t want Sandy Claws to visit.”  
  
After getting over their heart attacks and bemused states, the four men made their way to the sleeping quarters of the bus and attempted (futilely) to sleep.  
  
“Anyone wanna have a dance party with me?” Frank asked the boys lethargically.  
  
“It’s three in the morning, Frankie, babe,” Gerard replied. “Hey, Merry Christmas, guys,”  
  
“Mmm, go to sleep,” muffled Mikey, throwing a fluffy pillow in the general direction of Gerard. Instead, it slammed itself right into Frank, who cried out in exasperation.  
  
Ray yawned, “I can’t sleep.”  
  
They attempted conversation for a good ten minutes, before Mikey lost his temper and screeched for them all to _shut the fuck up!_ They did, and soon, they were all happily asleep and snuggled together.

***

“Wake up!”  
  
Gerard shifted in his sleep, growling into the warmth of the bed. Was it really already time to get up? He couldn’t remember what his plans were for the day: did they have to go out?  
  
“Wake up, bro, it’s Christmas!”  
  
Oh. That’s right. Christmas. It was… Christmas!  
  
“Get the hell out of bed or—”  
  
“I’m getting, up, Frankie…”  
  
“Frankie? Hell no. It’s Ray.”  
  
Gerard giggled, still groggy and not at his best. “I’m getting up,” he repeated regretfully.  
  
“Hurry, I want to open presents!”  
  
Presents… shit! He still hadn’t thought of what to tell the boys. _Sorry, boys, I know I’ve always screwed up Christmas, and this year’s no different. But hey- at least you’ll have your shit tomorrow, after all the Christmas spirit has died!_ That wouldn’t do. All the boys would be upset. It stressed him out, gave him anxiety; he didn’t want his best friends to be upset and disappointed in him. But he knew they would be. He just knew. They’d fake indulgence, but they’d clandestinely be so disenchanted.  
  
He timidly pulled himself out of bed, dreading the gift exchange.  
  
Frank, however, was so excited he could hardly contain himself. “SANTA CAME!”  
  
“Frankie, what are you talking about?” Mikey asked.  
  
“The cookies and milk I set out- gone! And we all have presents. I couldn’t sleep all night, so I know it wasn’t any of you guys. Santa really came!”  
  
“You’re a moron. Sandy Claws is a fucking child’s dream.”  
  
“Then explain why there’s fucking presents in our living room and the cookies are gone, please, Mr. I’m-too-old-for-Santa,” Frank retaliated with a slight attitude.  
  
All four of the bandmates made their way to the living room, only to find several presents under their ersatz, makeshift Christmas tree and crumbs in the place of cookies on a platter.  
  
“Shit, Frank,” Ray bellowed in cynicism. “How did you manage this? I thought for sure we’d all be getting crudely wrapped fingerless gloves from you.”  
  
“Uh!” Frank gasped. “You really think so little of me?” _That’s exactly what you got them, dumbass._ Eh. They didn’t need to know that. “I swear they aren’t from me, though.”  
  
After several minutes of harsh accusations and senseless blaming, they decided to just forget about it and open the damn gifts.  
  
Frank zealously passed out his gifts first.  
  
“Ohhh…” Gerard said almost contemptuously, “fingerless gloves… Not like we already have plentiful pairs of them.”  
  
“What the fuck?” Mikey spoke, voicing all of their true feelings. “I don’t want these.’  
  
“I’ll just keep them!” Frank suggested too eagerly. All the boys agreed, handing their gloves back to Frank who protectively held them in his arms, whispering comforting words like, “I didn’t want to give you guys away, really, I love you like my own.”  
  
Rolling his eyes, Mikey announced he forgot about them completely. “Yeah, I guess I’ll take you guys out for drinks tonight or something.”  
  
“Dammit, Mikey!” cried Gerard. “I was going to use that. Okay, guys, please don’t kill me, but the store I ordered all of my gifts from can’t get it in until tomorrow…”  
  
“It’s alright, Gee,” Ray said consolingly upon seeing Gerard begin to tear up. “At least you got us something.” He stared pointedly at Mikey.  
  
Ray knew passing out his nice gifts was going to be awkward considering no one else had anything at the moment to give, but he did, nonetheless. He anxiously waited for everyone to tear apart the wrapping paper to their presents and watched them all beam at their new stuff.  
  
“Oh my God, I’ve wanted this shit for a long time, Ray!” Gerard told him, grinning a toothy smile at his art crap and comic book. “Thank you so much!”  
  
“FINGERLESS GLOVES!” Frank screamed. “And guitar strings! How did you know?”  
  
“Gee, not sure how I knew,” chuckled Ray. “Lucky guess?”  
  
“Thanks for the glasses,” Mikey said apathetically. “And the book. Though this series kinda sucks. But whatever.”  
  
“At least he bought everyone gifts,” whispered Frank, causing Ray to snicker.  
  
Lastly, they opened the mystery gifts, which turned out to be from their manager.  
  
 _To the members of My Chemical Romance,_ it read on a small card. _You deserve these after your hard work and effort._  
  
They were all thrilled to see it was new clothes and costumes. Much needed considering their current stuff was past due on its time for a washing. By a couple of months. Usually, they liked to pick out their own stuff, for they were surprisingly picky when it came to their attire. But their manager actually had pretty good taste.  
  
Ray almost exploded when he looked out the window and saw glistening white snow covering the entire outside area. Flurries were falling at a fast rate, and soon, there was already two feet.  
  
“Time to play!” Ray yelled, throwing on a winter coat and tucking his jeans into fur boots. “Come outside with me, guys!” he whined.  
  
They all did, throwing snowballs and building snowmen and forts. It was the most fun they had had in days. They went back inside half frozen to death, shivering and stripping, tossing their iced-over clothes in a laundry hamper, and making three hot chocolates and one coffee (take a guess at who got what).  
  
The rest of the day was spent chattering, playing video games, and watching Christmas movies, all while having a jolly time. It didn’t matter that Gerard’s gifts didn’t come in time or that Frank thoughtlessly got everyone fingerless gloves and then kept them or even that Mikey was too busy sulking over his ex to buy them anything. All that mattered was that they were together and having a good time.  
  
Frank forced them all to sing Christmas carols, but this time it had them all giddy and they enthusiastically sang along.  
  
Despite everyone’s worries, it was the best Christmas they could ever imagine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and feel free to leave any feedback you deem necessary! Have a Merry Christmas!


End file.
